Why is forgiveness so hard?

When someone suggests that we forgive those who cut us deeply, our initial reaction is often “No way!” We're often afraid of forgiveness. 

I wonder, do you resist forgiveness? If so, why do you think you’re afraid of it?”

Is it because you’ve never seen an example of it you wanted to follow? 

Is it because you’re afraid of what forgiveness would lead to? 

Do you think forgiving someone means they “get away with" what they did?

Are you leery of letting someone walk all over you in the future?

Many of us are not really sure what forgiveness actually involves, but I know we are sure of one thing - we don't want to get hurt again! Whatever prevents more pain, we gravitate in that direction.

We tend to avoid forgiveness because of all this emotional confusion around forgiveness and our general angst about future pain, leaving our past hurt unresolved. 

So, what happens when we don't forgive?

When we don’t forgive, we tend to get bitter and self-protective. 

Imagine a dirty Tupperware® container which ends up in the back of the car, rotting with the remnants of your lunch from weeks ago while you remain unaware of its presence. Putting off processing the pain and unforgiveness only makes your work messier and more difficult.


Instead of forgiving, we often try to hurt the other person back by seeking to right the wrong or make them pay for what they did. 

If you’ve ever explored like the classic novel The Count of Monte Cristo to Denzel Washington’s iconic movie, Man on Fire movie, you know that the pursuit of retribution eventually means compromising yourself and violating your own values along the way. You hurt innocent bystanders in your pursuit of bringing justice to and inflicting pain on the one who hurt you. 


When we don’t deal with our wounds and forgive, we unconsciously hurt other people who have nothing to do with what happened. 

Pain that is only pushed down and not processed comes out sideways, hurting the people around you in ways you didn’t anticipate. When you don’t forgive and release the hurt you’ve felt, your emotional splatter ends up on people who were not involved in the original wounding.

Hi! my name is Scott.

I used to be where you are right now!

I had been betrayed and wounded by people I once trusted, even admired. The bitterness and unforgiveness became toxic, hurting the people who meant the most to me.  In an effort to find some hope and direction, I went looking for some resources to help. Nothing I read or watched helped me - some of the resources even made things worse! 

So, I made a solution to my problem.

I went on an adventure to find out what forgiveness was and how I could break free from my pain. Then I began to teach others what I had learned. The articles I wrote on forgiveness were shared by thousands of people at websites like RELEVANTMagazine.com, Crosswalk.com, and Lifeway.com. Over the past 7 years through my work as a writer and a pastor, I’ve helped thousands of people identify the lies they’ve been told about forgiveness and experience the power of true forgiveness.   Through my research, study, and personal experience, I’ve uncovered the 6 essential steps we need to take to forgive someone who hurt us. Those steps are now packaged in my course, Free to Forgive.

Free to Forgive answers 4 questions...

  • Why do I need to forgive?

    You’ll identify the most important people in your life, the consequences for those people if you don’t forgive, and one surprising technique you can use to get over your bitterness.

  • What is getting in the way of forgiving?

    The biggest obstacle to forgiveness is often the lies you've believed about forgiveness. In the course, you'll learn forgiving the wrong doesn't mean forgetting what happened. Deciding to forgive today doesn't mean you have to reconcile tomorrow. You can call what was done wrong and still forgive it.

  • What really happened when I got hurt?

    To break free from our past, we have to face it. We may not fully understand what happened because it’s hard to see through our pain and anger. But we must stop running from what happened, in order to deal with the person and the pain.

  • What does forgiveness really include?

    Forgiveness is a decision and a process. It’s difficult to put forgiveness on a schedule or set a timer for when we’ll be free. Once you know what forgiveness includes, the steps to forgive will become clear and you'll be able to assess what to do next.

Course curriculum

  • 1
    Getting Started
    • Your Introduction to the Free to Forgive Course
    • Getting Started Video
    • Download Your Course Guide PDF
    • BONUS: Download Your Course Tracking Calendar
    • Your hopes for Free to Forgive
    • BONUS: Resources for Followers of Jesus
  • 2
    Module 1 - Clarify Your Why
    • Instructions for Clarify Your Why
    • Clarify Your Why Video
    • Clarify Your Why Exercises
  • 3
    Module 2 - Truth and Lies
    • Instructions for Truth and Lies
    • Truth and Lies
    • Truth and Lies Exercises
    • BONUS: eBook and Sharable Images
  • 4
    Module 3 - Your Secret Weapon
    • Instructions for Your Secret Weapon
    • Your Secret Weapon
    • Your Secret Weapon Exercises
  • 5
    Module 4 - Facing the Pain
    • Instructions for Facing the Pain
    • Facing the Pain
    • Facing the Pain Exercises
  • 6
    Module 5 - Writing Your Letter of Forgiveness
    • Instructions for Writing Your Letter of Forgiveness
    • Writing A Letter of Forgiveness
    • BONUS: Thank You Letter to Jesus Template
    • Writing Your Letter of Forgiveness Exercise
  • 7
    Module 6 - What Comes After Forgiveness?
    • Instructions for What Comes After Forgiveness?
    • What Comes After Forgiveness?
    • What Comes After Forgiveness? Exercises
  • 8
    BONUSES
    • A Counselor Answers Your Biggest Questions About Counseling
    • How to Forgive Yourself - 12 Steps to Freedom
    • Further Reading List for Free to Forgive Alumni
    • 17 Amazing Quotes on Forgiveness
    • 11 Lies Printable PDF
    • 11 Truths Printable PDF
    • Free to Forgive Tracking Calendar
    • Resources for Followers of Jesus in this Course
    • Thank You Letter to Jesus Template
  • 9
    Final Survey
    • Survey for Students Who Have Completed Free to Forgive

What does Free to Forgive cost?

The entire Free to Forgive course - all the videos, the workbook and the bonus downloads - is available for a limited time for 1 Payment of $49 (That’s a STEAL and about 50% of the cost of a 50-minute counseling session)

30 Day Money-Back Guarantee!

Try Free to Forgive Risk-Free!

I'm completely convinced that you're going to make substantial progress towards freedom by the time you complete this course. I cannot guarantee that you'll be finished with the process of forgiveness or have every question answered. But, if you take the course and feel like you haven't experienced the clarity and breakthroughs I've outlined here, then simply email support outlining why the course failed to deliver on the promises and I'll send you a full refund!

Testimonials

“I’ve been battling bitterness for over 20 years. Someone I trusted did something to hurt and betray me, which I could never get over. Every time I heard someone teach about forgiveness, I found their words sounding hollow because they weren’t clear on what to do in order to let go. I became somewhat cynical about forgiveness teaching in general until I heard from you. What you shared identified the places where I was stuck and when I walked through your step-by-step process, I was surprised by what happened next. I’ve finally found the freedom I was looking for. Thank you so much!”

RachelRachel

“After being abused as a child and then by my ex-husband, I struggled to overcome this pain for many years. What you teach about forgiveness has been life-changing for me. I cannot thank you enough.”

JaneJane

“I had heard a lot of sermons on forgiveness in my life. Until now, none of them helped me to forgive. What you teach about forgiveness helped me to do what I've been wanting to do for over 20 years. Thank you for helping me find freedom!”

RalphRalph

“Free to Forgive is a powerful tool for those who are willing to work towards healthier relationships and personal freedom from the wounds of the past. Working through this course gave me practical steps to take, along with helpful guidance as I moved from being stuck in unforgiveness to freedom.”

NicoleNicole

Is Free to Forgive for Me?

This course might NOT be a good fit for you if...

  • You are looking for a Bible study or a sermon. This is NOT that kind of resource.

  • You are looking to just watch some videos. This course involves real work.

  • You are put off by someone talking about their faith.

  • You are looking for cliches and easy answers.

  • You don't want to be free! I'm going to push you if you enroll!

What Do I Get When I Buy the Free to Forgive course?

For just $49, you get all of the following...

  • The complete Free to Forgive course (6 modules + my Getting Started section to ensure your success).

  • 6 video lessons where I teach you and empower you to take action (10-15 minutes each).

  • A 50 page PDF workbook filled with session notes and powerful exercises to help you find clarity and step into freedom.

  • A model schedule to help you not rush the course, nor get stuck along the way.

  • BONUSES:
    • An interview with my counselor where we talk about when to find a counselor, how to interview a potential counselor, and direction on finding a good counselor in your area. 
    • My popular guide, It's Not What You Think: Exposing the 11 Lies You've Been Told About Forgiveness.
    • My Resources for Followers of Jesus guide to augment what I teach in the course.
    • A further reading list from leading experts who've taught me
    • My favorite tool to help you recognize how much forgiveness you've already experienced
    • My 11 Lies and 11 Truths sharable images, inspired by the It's Not What You Think guide.

What are you waiting for?

It's time to find the freedom you want!

Buy Now

FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

You're not the only one wondering...

  • How much time will I need to devote to completing this course?

    Ultimately, that choice will be yours. As I mentioned earlier, I’m creating an ideal schedule to walk you through these six modules in a methodical way where you’re giving yourself time to process the material and your emotions. Due to the difficulty of this process, there will be a temptation to stop and give up along the way. Therefore, the ideal schedule isn’t so spread out that we’re feeding that temptation. But, each person is unique and the schedule shouldn’t be seen as restrictive or the only way to go through this process. If you follow the ideal schedule, I would recommend setting aside 30-45 minutes per day for 6 days to complete the course. However, the process of forgiveness will continue after you’re done with the course material.

  • Will this course continue to be updated? And will I get free access to future versions?

    Yes! This course will be updated based upon customer feedback, along with my continued research into this topic. This is the first version of the course. Future versions will include new content, higher quality production, and most certainly, a higher price. Once you are enrolled though, all future versions are free at no additional cost to you.

  • I've been following you for a while. How much more is in the course vs. what you already put out on your blog and sermons?

    Some of the core concepts I've discussed on my blog and in sermons are in the course, but there is brand new content here I haven’t shared anywhere else. The course goes into MUCH more detail, with prompts, guided reflections, video teaching, and scenarios I haven’t shared anywhere else. While articles and sermons are great for introducing people to new content, this course is my effort to walk with you through this challenging process. It’s one thing to read or take notes on what someone else is said. It’s another thing entirely to do the work yourself. This course is an active process, not a passive experience.

  • Will this work for someone who is not a Christian or church attender? What if I’m not religious?

    Absolutely! I hope people will complete this course from all walks of life, along with all perspectives on faith. I’m the lead pastor of an evangelical church and a follower of Jesus myself, so my faith does influence my worldview and how I teach. If you have zero tolerance for any mention of faith, God, or the Bible, then this is probably not the course for you. However, this course is not an effort to proselytize, nor is it disrespectful of people who do not share my faith. It’s also not a Bible study or sermon.

  • What if I'm literally starting from step 0? What if I’ve never read anything about forgiveness, never met with a counselor, and am still very raw from being hurt or betrayed? Will this course work for me if I haven’t done any “work” yet?

    Yes! This course is designed to equip and empower both those who are stuck on a very old wound and those reeling from a very fresh one. It's specifically engineered to take a COMPLETE NEWBIE and show you the exact steps you need to take to experience the freedom of forgiveness.

  • Does what you’re offering replaces professional counseling or Christian counseling?

    Absolutely not. I’ve added a bonus that addresses the role counseling can play in helping someone forgive. At the end of the course, I'll do my best to help you identify when it’s wise to seek out a counselor and determine how to evaluate counselor options in your area. The counselor I see charges about $90 per hour and I know people who could use his services, but they cannot currently afford them. I’m pricing this course to give people who cannot afford ongoing counseling a resource to help them where they are. I’m a big believer in the power of counseling and I’m not prepared to replace that vital experience.

  • I’m the survivor of abuse and the idea of forgiving my abuser seems crazy. Would this course still be applicable?

    First off, I want to say that I have tremendous respect for you. My wife spent 5 1/2 years prosecuting domestic violence cases during the early years of our marriage. I learned a lot from her during that season. This course will be applicable to your experience, but as I said in the question about counseling, this course may not address every question or challenge you have. I know you think forgiving your abuser seems crazy, but I believe it’s possible for you to not be chained to that person and that event for the rest of your life. That hope motivated me to create this course for people just like you.

  • Is this course connected to the church where you pastor?

    No. This course is my own personal product. Like a book which is professionally published, this is a personal venture and a passion project. The time I’ve invested in creating this course has taken place outside of my work hours as a pastor, and the revenue generated from this course does not go to my church. This is a wholly separate venture. As such, my views are only mine and should not be assumed to reflect the views of my church. I’m not marketing this course through any of our church’s communication channels. I want to ensure all propriety and distinction between my personal work as a writer and the work I do as a pastor of a local church.